Friday, April 24, 2020

Never force. Only through darchei noam - yeshiva world news

Hagaon Harav Gershon Edelstein answered a chinuch question recently that is on the minds of many parents with teenagers at home during the current coronavirus era.
A parent asked. “There are children in the house above the age of 12 who aren’t keeping to a schedule because they’re in the house all the time. They’re going to sleep late and waking up late in the morning. How much should one be makpid with them on zeman tefillah and Kriyas Shema?”
Harav Edelstein answered: “Never force. Only through darchei noam.”
The parent clarified: “To nudge them with darchei noam?”
The Rav answered firmly: “No, no, no -never nudge – only darchei noam. The child knows what’s good for him. You should encourage him so he’ll have cheishek [to daven on time]. Force doesn’t have any influence at all. It causes an opposite effect. It’s assur to force a child – only through friendly means, with love.”
“In general, a child does what his father does,” Harav Edelstein emphasized. “It’s the nature of imitation. But if you force him, you’ll have the opposite effect. Only through darchei noam. He shouldn’t feel at all that he’s being criticized.”
“A child feels the criticism and it hurts him very much. It causes the child to throw off responsibility. The child should never feel criticized – this is an important rule in chinuch.”
(YWN Israel Desk – Jerusalem)

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